


you'll fit so nicely, you'll keep me intact

by thirteeninafez



Series: paint me in trust, i'll be your best friend [1]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe - Tosh lives, Developing Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pining, Series 03 Fix-It: Children of Earth (Torchwood)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:13:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29467800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thirteeninafez/pseuds/thirteeninafez
Summary: The woman walked away with one last brilliant, world-stopping smile, and Tosh let out a long sigh. She looked down at the name and number scribbled onto the paper. The thing was, in that one moment, Tosh could see herself falling entirely in love with the glowing, wonderful Lois.Or, the one where Tosh not only lives past Exit Wounds, but flourishes.
Relationships: Gwen Cooper/Rhys Williams, Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, Lois Habiba/Toshiko Sato
Series: paint me in trust, i'll be your best friend [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2177991
Comments: 42
Kudos: 31
Collections: Torchwood Fan Fests: 2021 Femslash Fest





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic wouldn't have happened without so much help and support from all my wonderful friends!!! thank you to [Lauren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyborgtamaki/pseuds/Cyborgtamaki) for the support and help, [Ruairidh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/someawkwardprose/pseuds/someawkwardprose) and [Vi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetmessages/pseuds/violetmessages) for constantly listening to my rambles and helping with plot, [Louise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/engagemythrusters) for being supportive (and in love with Lois <3) and of course, thank you [Nik](https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessoftheworlds/pseuds/princessoftheworlds) for the editing and amazingness as always!! 
> 
> Written for the Torchwood Femslash Fest 2021, prompts: (2) minor character/rarepair, (4) found family/friendship, (7) AU or canon divergence, (9) fix-it, (13) fluff, (17) courage/fear.
> 
> Have written all chapters and will be posting the other two on Wednesday and Friday!

It was a calm day. The sun was shining brightly, the clouds were just a wisp of white in the sky, and yet the chilly throes of spring left Tosh rubbing her hands against her arms in an attempt to warm herself.

On some days, Cardiff Bay looked serene and beautiful, a place to waste away a day as the public ambled around, unaware of all that went on beneath their feet, underneath the pavement and down into the depths of the Hub. Other days, such as this mid-May morning, Cardiff Bay felt empty. Children were at school, adults away doing office jobs, and Cardiff Bay felt as bereft and cold as the autopsy room now did.

Losing Owen had been one of the hardest things Tosh had ever had to go through. And she’d been put through it _twice_ . The residual regret, the pain, the all-encompassing _guilt_ that it was _her fault_ and that it _should’ve been her instead_ still lingered, fading away over the months but reappearing like a faithful dog when she least expected it to. 

(“You can’t blame yourself for this, Tosh,” she remembered Jack saying, barely two days after everything had happened. “If you hadn’t done this, the whole of Cardiff would’ve disappeared, just like that.” Jack snapped his fingers. “You saved the entirety of South Wales - hell, probably the whole country, and I’m _proud_ of you.”

 _“But you weren’t to blame for killing the person you loved!”_ Tosh had wanted to scream, had wanted to shout and punch Jack. _“You still have Ianto; you don’t know how I_ feel-”

And then Tosh had looked up into Jack’s eyes, the same pair that had been trapped underground, buried beneath the ground and earth for two long millennia. He’d been put there by his own brother, and Tosh had realised that there was nobody else who understood _more_ than Jack did. The brother who Jack felt he had failed, that Jack had condemned to a life of insanity and torture, and that sobering thought was enough for Tosh to cry over. She had sobbed into Jack’s arms as he held her close, protecting her because he felt it was the only thing he could do anymore.

They’d all lost so much.)

In moments like these, Tosh could remember Owen for who he really was. _A grimy old bastard,_ she thought, making herself laugh even as the cold stung her eyes and caused them to water. 

“Go on then, who is it?”

Tosh jolted from her thoughts, her face changing expression as quickly as a wink.

“I beg your pardon?” Tosh asked, turning to look at the person who had spoken.

The woman who stood in front of her was - quite simply put - beautiful. The bright sun reflected off her, turning her skin a golden brown as her eyes shone with something entirely welcoming. Her lopsided grin revealed a soft dimple on her left cheek which Tosh found herself somehow fixated on.

“You’ve got that look about you,” she elaborated, her voice warm. “That haunted look people get when someone breaks their heart. What happened?”

Tosh took a moment to consider the woman beside her, with her shoulder length brown hair that swayed slightly in the breeze. 

“He died.”

The woman took a visible step backwards. Tosh hadn’t noticed that they’d gotten so close. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Tosh said. “Happened a while ago.”

“Were you… close?”

“Best friends,” Tosh said, closing her eyes in memory. “Well, some days. Other days I wondered if he even knew I existed. Which was stupid; we’d worked together for years.”

“Do… you wanna talk about it?” the woman offered.

Tosh snorted quietly. “Even if I were legally allowed to, I don’t think I would.”

“Legally allowed…?” The woman took a moment to pause. “I won’t ask, in that case.”

For a few minutes, nothing happened. The sun continued to shine, the wind picked up slightly and chilled Tosh even more than before, and the strange woman just stood there, eyes on the water.

“I think I’ve caught you on a bad day,” she finally said, breaking the silence. “If you wanna try this again when you’re feeling more up to it, here.”

Tosh watched as she reached into her bag, pulling out a sticky note and a pen.

“I’m a secretary, always prepared,” she explained, quickly scribbling something down and passing it over. “I’ll see you if I see you.”

The woman walked away with one last brilliant, world-stopping smile, and Tosh let out a long sigh. She looked down at the name and number scribbled onto the paper. The thing was, in that one moment, Tosh could see herself falling entirely in love with the glowing, wonderful Lois. 

Which was why Tosh screwed up the note into a tight ball and shoved it to the furthest depth of her coat pocket, destined never to be seen again. 

* * *

Two weeks later, Tosh and Jack were out on a mission. Gwen and Ianto were otherwise indisposed, dealing with the fallout from a stray traxafollicator that had wreaked havoc on the city centre earlier in the day. That had left Jack and Tosh to investigate the rumours surrounding a particularly carnivorous CEO.

Jack stormed into the building, his coat billowing behind him dramatically as Tosh hurried to follow him. By the time she had caught up, he was leaning up against the welcome desk, head resting on his hand as he plastered on his most persuasive smile. Tosh rolled her eyes and looked towards the poor worker who’d no doubt fallen for Jack’s charms immediately…

… and saw a familiar pair of eyes match her own, less warmly than Tosh remembered.

“Long time no see,” Lois drawled, her expression not betraying any hints as to her thoughts.

Tosh felt her cheeks inexplicable heat up, embarrassment flaring as a tinge of guilt twisted in her gut. “Oh, er, yes. Sorry,” Tosh said, stammering. “Bit busy at work.”

From beside her, Tosh could see Jack looking between the two of them, his frozen grin slowly morphing into a hideously gleeful smirk.

“Jack, this is Lois,” Tosh introduced. Jack thrust his hand forwards, taking hold of Lois’ hand.

“It’s so nice to meet one of Tosh’s friends.” He smirked, putting emphasis on the last word. Tosh had to hold herself back from punching him there and then.

“Tosh,” Lois said, mulling over the name as she glanced towards the woman herself. “Nice name. You never told me.”

Jack’s eyebrows immediately shot up, and yes - Tosh was certainly blushing now.

“Okay…” Jack trailed off, stepping away from the desk, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “I’m gonna go use the facilities.”

Jack jerked a thumb in a random direction, ignoring the daggers that Tosh was sending his way. 

“Just down the hallway, second door on the-” Lois tried, but Jack was already walking off. He looked at Tosh and twisted his third finger inside his other palm, their non-verbal code for ‘keep distracting her’. With her back turned away from Lois, Tosh gave Jack the most threatening glare she could muster up, along with their ‘fuck you’ signal. (That signal was more universally recognisable.)

Putting her middle finger back down and plastering a smile back onto her face, Tosh turned back to Lois.

“So,” Lois spoke. “You and Jack. Looking to, er, open a joint bank account?”

Tosh stared at Lois for a very confused moment, before she remembered which business they were currently investigating.

“Oh!” she exclaimed, nervous laughter escaping her. “No, nothing like that.”

Tosh didn’t know if she was imagining the way Lois’ smile eased slightly or not. “So, what _are_ you doing here?”

“We, er-” Tosh muttered, wondering why every thought had left her brain. They’d gone over their cover story before arriving - even if Jack had changed the plan slightly and abandoned her - so why couldn’t she remember any of the details? Briefly, Tosh wondered if it had anything to do with the practically sinful lipstick that Lois was wearing, a deep red colour that perfectly highlighted her lips and made Tosh want to find out what Lois’ wide smile would feel like pressed up against her own-

“It’s okay if you and him are - well,” Lois said, quirking an eyebrow. “I mean, he’s very handsome. I’d go for him, if he was my type. You know, not a guy.”

Tosh, jolted out of her pretty obvious stare, now chose Lois’ last few words to fixate on. “Not a guy?”

Lois gave her a calculated look, regarding her. “Yeah,” she replied slowly. “I thought I made that _pretty_ obvious.”

“I,” Tosh began again, and then suddenly shook her head as Lois’ earlier statement registered in her head. “Oh, no, Jack and I aren’t - well, he’s _gay_ for a start, and - no, wait, he’s not gay; we don’t think he uses labels - but he’s currently dating another guy, my coworker - in fact, we’re all co-workers, and-”

Tosh decided this was a good point to just stop speaking.

Thankfully, Lois only burst into laughter, and then - _oh God,_ it was like the entire world had stopped spinning on its axis. The way Lois’ grin split open on her face and the crinkled laugh lines that broke out around her eyes (not even mentioning her unrestrained, musical laugh) were almost too much for Tosh.

“Tosh,” Lois said, and Tosh tried to ignore how her name on Lois’ lips made her feel. “Start again.”

Letting out a deep breath, Tosh backpedaled. “I am not dating Jack; he’s my boss. We’re here to talk about our company finance.”

“Your boss?” Lois parried, now leaning on her hand. “And you said he was dating your coworker? Interesting work dynamic.”

“Ah, it’s nothing weird or anything,” Tosh defended. “We’re a small group, quite close. More of a second family of sorts.”

“Sounds cosy,” Lois teased gently, before her smile dropped a fraction. “Your best friend - you said you’d worked together.”

Tosh’s shoulders slumped, the memory of Owen suddenly hitting her like a train. “Yeah. He was one of us, too.”

Suddenly, a warm hand was covering her own, which Tosh hadn’t even realised was resting on the table. “I’m sorry,” Lois said, squeezing her hand gently before she pulled back.

“It’s okay. Like you said, you just caught me on a bad day before.”

Tosh lifted her head up and met Lois’ gaze. “Bad day, huh? Does that mean that if I try to give you my number again, you’d-”

“Tosh!”

Tosh whirled away from the desk, turning to see Jack running at her from the opposite side of the room than he’d left out of. “Time to go!” Jack shouted, vaguely out of breath as he came to a standstill.

He looked between the two of them once more, then clapped Tosh on her back. “Well, it was lovely to meet you, Lois. You might want to send a cleaning crew up to the top floor. Bit of a mess, I heard someone say.”

With that, he was running back out, dragging Tosh away with him. “I’ll see you around,” Tosh managed to squeak out, before she was pulled through the revolving door and back out onto the streets of Cardiff.

“What happened?” Tosh asked as soon as they were out of the busy street.

“Turns out our flesh-eating friend was quite far from home - I sent him packing. He put up a bit of a fight, which I’ll never say no to,” Jack explained, opening the door to the SUV as they reached it. He stopped with his hand on the door, staring at Tosh. “But more importantly: did you get her number?”

“What?” Tosh spluttered, standing like a deer in headlights. She ducked down and got into the passenger seat, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. “No. You barged in and ruined the moment.”

Jack let out a dramatic sigh, pulling the gear stick into reverse. “I gave you long enough,” he said exasperatedly, then flashed her a grin. “You know, Tosh, I didn’t have you down as the type to forgo introductions.”

Tosh groaned and leant her head back against the seat. “Nothing even happened between us.”

Jack raised a disbelieving eyebrow at her. “Right.”

“I swear!” Tosh defended. “We just… met once, on the Plass.”

“Okay,” Jack said, not convinced. He focused on the road for a few seconds as they started the drive back to the Hub. “But she is _really_ pretty.”

“God, I know,” Tosh muttered, putting her head in her hands as they continued on their journey.

* * *

From her seat in the crowded bar, Tosh idly swirled her glass of wine, trying to listen in on Gwen and Rhys’ conversation. They’d been here for a few hours, the three of them plus Jack and Ianto - who’d gone to get the next round at least ten minutes ago but hadn’t been seen since. Tosh didn’t really want to think about what they were up to.

Tosh watched as Rhys clumsily slid closer to Gwen, no doubt thinking he was being subtle in his movement. Sighing, Tosh wondered if it would be best to call it a night at this point, hailing a taxi to take her home while she was still sober enough that she wouldn’t feel it in the morning.

That was when she caught sight of a familiar mop of dark hair, sitting alone at the bar with an almost invitingly empty chair beside her.

Well. Bumping into each other one time was luck, two times just a coincidence. But three? Surely that was a sign.

As Tosh approached, she noticed the dark blue, low-cut blouse Lois was wearing, a black skirt going down beneath her knees. Tosh quickly brushed down her own dress, hoping her make-up hadn’t smudged early on in the evening. She barely even glanced back at her table, drink in hand as she tried to convince herself that this wasn’t a bad idea.

“Is this seat taken?”

Lois turned her head, eyes widening with recognition before they were moving in a quick once over of Tosh’s appearance.

“You owe me a job.”

Whatever else Tosh had been expecting to hear, this wasn’t it. “I beg your pardon?”

Lois’ face cracked, her grin splitting open once more. “So,” she began, gesturing the seat next to her, which Tosh promptly sat down in. “After you and your boss’ little stunt the other day, we found something out. Turns out our director wasn’t so much a banker as he was a wanker.”

Tosh tried not to snort too loudly, masking the noise with a sip of her wine.

“He disappears off the face of the earth. Nobody can find him - and what’s worse, it turns out he’d been embezzling our funds. We go bankrupt like that.”

Tosh tore her eyes away from Lois’ moving, lip-glossed lips, instead staring at her fingers as they quickly snapped. Tosh turned back to now stare at her eyes. She’d done something very pretty to them, a shimmer of eyeshadow that turned her irises into kaleidoscopes - _and since when did Tosh think idyllic thoughts like that?_

“How’s that our fault?” she asked back.

“Well, your boss was supposedly the last person who saw our boss before he did a runner,” Lois explained, and Tosh shifted uncomfortably. “You wouldn’t have any idea why that would be, would you?”

“No clue,” Tosh said, trying to get the thoughts of alien spaceships out of her head. 

“What even is your job, then?” Lois asked, taking a sip of her pale pink drink. It looked like some kind of gin, Tosh presumed, and resolutely didn’t focus on the way her neck moved as she swallowed. “Some kind of private investigators?”

“It’s classified,” Tosh hastened to reply, and Lois’ eyebrows raised just as quickly.

“Oh, _classified_?” she asked, leaning forwards. “Does that line usually work?”

Tosh blushed. “It’s not a line. I’m being serious.”

“Well,” Lois said, leaning in close to Tosh’s ear. “It’s working, regardless.”

As Lois pulled back slightly, Tosh put her wine glass down on the table. Now locking eyes with Lois, she realised how close their faces were to each other. 

And then they were kissing, and Tosh was finally finding out just what the lips that she’d been thinking about for weeks really felt like.

They moved against each other with an ease, which Tosh put down to the buzz of alcohol running through their systems. At some point, Lois had moved across and was now sitting, straddling her thighs as they shared the chair Tosh was on. Warm bodies were pressed up against each other as hands ran through hair, across arms, around waists. 

“You wanna get out of here?” Lois asked, retreating from the kiss at last. Tosh groaned as Lois subtly shifted her hips on Tosh’s lap, nodding in answer to the question. 

They made their way to the exit quickly, hands interlocked and drinks abandoned. As they stepped outside and the cool air hit their faces, Tosh tugged on Lois’ arm, dragging her to the edge of the alley directly next to the pub. With liquid confidence fueling her, Tosh pushed Lois up against the wall before her partner had a chance to react, Tosh’s arms holding her in place. They stared at each other, panting with dark, wide eyes, and then Tosh was attacking Lois’ mouth again with renewed vigour.

A loud yelp brought them both out of the moment, and Tosh swung her head to the side and saw-

“Tosh?” Ianto asked, his voice rough. He looked thoroughly debauched, lips pink, eyes wide, and shirt ruffled. From beside him, Tosh turned her eyes to Jack, the far-too-familiar leer already in place on his face.

“Ianto,” Tosh said, feeling as entirely mortified as her friend looked. 

“Don’t let us interrupt you,” Jack said, leaning back in to attach himself on Ianto’s neck again, much to Ianto’s discomfort.

“Jack…” Ianto warned, trying to move away but only succeeding in giving Jack better access.

“The more the merrier,” Tosh just about heard Jack mutter, and that was enough to snap her out of her momentary stupor.

She turned back to Lois, who was looking unfairly attractive whilst biting her bottom lip and smirking at Tosh, leaning casually up against the wall. Tosh couldn’t help but lean back in.

“Yours or mine?” Tosh mumbled against Lois’ lips.

“Mine’s a two minute walk away,” Lois replied, satisfying Tosh with how rough her voice was

With a gleam in her eye, Tosh grabbed Lois’ wrist and pulled them back out of the alley, ignoring the jeers and “get it, Tosh!” that she could hear from Jack behind them.

* * *

Tosh woke up in a bed that wasn’t hers, in a room that she didn’t recognise, next to a woman who she very much did remember. 

The bed was warm, the white duvet not too heavy nor too thin, and the pillow felt heavenly against Tosh’s head. There was a real feel of contentment about the scene, helped greatly by the soft noises coming from a sleeping Lois on her right. Her hair was loose and slightly messy as she slept on her side, facing Tosh. (Tosh suddenly got a flash of a memory of her fist in that hair, tugging helplessly against it as Lois took control. She blushed.)

As if sensing someone staring at her, Lois chose that moment to wake up. Her eyelids fluttered, muscles stretching and tensing as she slowly awoke. Tosh kept down a laugh as Lois’ eyes caught sight of her, with the duvet covering her chest but showing bare shoulders and a wide expanse of skin. If her memory served her right, Tosh knew there would be quite a few marks littered across her neck, which she assumed was why Lois was currently staring at it.

“Good morning,” Tosh began, realising how dry her throat felt.

“Mhm,” Lois groaned. “Certainly is a good morning.”

Tosh laughed quietly, a soft smile falling onto her face. She was incredibly glad that Lois’ first reaction hadn’t been to freak out - or worse, immediately show regret about what had happened last night. It had been a lot of fun, and even though she may have had a bit of alcohol to help her make a move, Tosh couldn’t deny the attraction she felt towards Lois. She _certainly_ wouldn’t mind more morning wake-ups like this.

As if proving how comfortable she felt, Lois got out of bed, entirely naked. Tosh felt her eyes go wide and was thankful when Lois put a dressing gown on, turning to face her.

“Tea, coffee?”

“Uh,” Tosh said, eyes still slightly bleary from sleep. “Coffee would be great, thanks.”

“I’ll leave you to get ready then.” Lois flashed her a grin and left, the noise of feet going down the stairs being heard. “Spare toothbrush in the bathroom cupboard!”

Tosh immediately threw her head back against the pillow, letting out a long sigh. 

By the time she’d made it down to the kitchen, dressed in yesterday’s clothes, the smell of coffee was strong. The kitchen was small, big enough for one person yet obviously lived in. There was a blue theme running through the appliances, with yellow lights giving the room a homely feel.

“Here you go!” Lois said brightly, appearing in front of Tosh with a mug of coffee before Tosh had even had time to spot her.

“Thanks,” Tosh replied, taking a small sip before deciding it was too hot to drink still. She put it down on a coaster on the small kitchen table, sitting down in a wooden chair. 

“I take it you’re not a morning person, then?”

Tosh snorted. “Usually, yes. After a night of drinking wine? Not so much.”

Lois laughed, and Tosh was reminded just how much she liked the sound. “I don’t have much in, but I can scrape together some brunch if you want? How’s scrambled egg sound?”

“Wonderful, thank you,” Tosh answered, watching as Lois got up and opened her fridge to collect ingredients. 

“So, have you got much on this weekend?” Tosh asked.

“Not much. Job hunting, mainly,” she replied airily, and Tosh flinched.

“Ah. Sorry again about the whole-”

“It’s okay,” Lois interrupted. “If I were really mad at you, I wouldn’t have invited you in last night.”

“You’ve got a point.”

Tosh walked over to the stove and gently knocked her shoulder against Lois’. “Can I do anything to help?”

“You can put some bread into the toaster for me,” Lois suggested, and Tosh got to it.

Ten minutes later, brunch was made.Tosh hadn’t realised quite how hungry she was until she was handed a plateful of eggs and a matching set of cutlery. 

They sat in warm silence, the air around them only slightly tense with the usual awkwardness of confrontation the morning after. Though Tosh had only met Lois briefly two times prior to the previous night, she felt like she’d known the other a lot better than she really did. They made casual conversation; Tosh complemented the food, Lois argued with her when Tosh started filling up the sink and taking the dirty plates from the table, and they felt quite comfortable around the other.

“What time is it?” Tosh asked from the kitchen sink, her hands soapy.

“Just gone ten-thirty,” Lois answered, tea towel in hand as she dried up. The entire scene was oddly domestic, all things considered.

“Damn it, I need to go,” Tosh said, putting the last plate on the draining board and drying her hands on a towel. “My boss will be wondering where I am by now.”

Lois snorted. “Doubt it. That _was_ him we bumped into last night, right?”

Tosh groaned and dropped her head, suddenly remembering what had happened. “I’m mortified. Absolutely. I can’t ever turn up to work again.”

“It’s not like he wasn’t doing the same,” Lois pointed out, grinning.

“Yeah, but that’s _different._ He was with Ianto.”

“Your other co-worker?”

“One of them,” Tosh replied. “You haven’t met Gwen yet, nor Ow-”

Tosh broke off and closed her eyes. Oh God. _Way to kill the mood._

“That’s…” Lois offered, hand suddenly over Tosh’s on the table. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I just… forgot,” Tosh said, the realisation making something feel heavy in her stomach. How could she have forgotten?

Lois didn’t look like she knew what to say, so Tosh took pity on her and walked towards the hallway. “I should go. My boss really _will_ kill me if I’m not in soon.”

As Tosh began to pull her coat on, Lois leaned against the doorway, hands folded across her chest. “Can I get you to actually take my number this time, at least?”

Tosh froze, her mouth opening and closing a few times. “I… My job, it’s a bit full on. I don’t know if I’m ready to - well, you know. I don’t have much free time, and-”

“It’s fine. Obviously, you’re not over this guy yet,” Lois said, ignoring the weak protests Tosh started to put up. “And that’s okay. Healing will take a while. Last night was just a bit of fun, yeah? Doesn’t have to mean anything.”

Tosh nodded, eyes downcast.

“But that doesn’t mean that we can’t still be friends,” she said, taking Tosh’s hand in her own and giving her a brilliant smile.

“Friends?” Tosh managed to get out.

“Friends,” Lois affirmed, before an eyebrow raised. “And, you know, if you ever get lonely at night…”

Tosh laughed, almost nervously. “Oh yeah. Last night _was_ pretty fun. Would be a shame not to, you know.”

“Oh, I know,” Lois teased, reaching a hand over for Tosh’s phone. When Tosh got it back, she saw it was open on a new contact page:

_Lois ;-)_

* * *

Work passed slowly over the next few days. Tosh had waited half a day before caving in and messaging Lois, striking up a casual conversation that got her through the long hours spent at the Hub. Jack kept sending her knowing glances as he caught her texting, and Ianto had offered one stammered attempt at asking how she and Lois were doing.

One thing had turned into another, and after checking her rift predictor, Tosh had suggested they met up for dinner on Wednesday. Nothing romantic, just a catch-up over a meal to see where the night would take them.

The only problem was sneaking away early from work without attracting her friends’ attention.

“Where are you off to, Tosh?” Gwen asked, seeing her coworker pick up her bag after tidying away her desk.

“Home early. Rift predictor said it would be a quiet night,” she casually responded. After a pause, she added, “I checked with Jack.”

“Oh, right,” Gwen said, sounding distracted enough that Tosh almost thought she was going to be able to leave unnoticed.

“You off, Tosh?” a loud, American voice called, and Jack stepped out from his office. Ianto followed a few moments after. “Have fun tonight.”

Tosh closed her eyes and cursed under her breath.

“Tonight? So you are doing something?” Gwen asked.

“Tosh has a date.” Jack grinned, voice melodic and teasing.

“It’s not a date,” Tosh defended, turning back to see three blank, disbelieving stares. “I’m just meeting up with a friend for dinner.”

“And would this friend happen to be called Lois by any chance?”

Tosh tried not to blush.

“Oh, is this where I find out why Tosh left us last Friday at the pub?” Gwen asked, catching on. She grinned widely at her friend.

“You’re finding out in a better way than I did…” Ianto grumbled.

While the attention turned to Ianto, Tosh took that as her cue to start sneaking her way towards the exit. “I’ll see you all tomorrow!” she called from the door.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t!” Jack shouted back, and Tosh let out a snort.

Contrary to what her coworkers were thinking, the pub Tosh was meeting Lois at was in no way a posh, romantic attraction. It was perfect for what they wanted - a quick, easy meal, which had cheap enough bills that there would be no need for arguments over who was paying. And alcohol. _Definitely_ alcohol.

“Slow day?” Lois asked Tosh over her fish and chips. Apparently, fish and chips was Lois’ way of judging a pub she hadn’t been to before.

“Very,” Tosh replied after swallowing her mouthful. She reached for her wine and took a small sip. “It’s a nice change, though. After getting used to seventy-two hour shifts, you learn to appreciate the slow days.”

“Seventy-two hours?” Lois raised an eyebrow. “You know, some days I’m _glad_ I don’t know what your job is.”

Tosh cracked her a smile and changed the subject. “No luck with your job searches, then?”

“Nowhere’s hiring this time of year,” Lois moaned, using a speared chip on her fork to frustratedly gesture. “Nowhere permanent, anyway. I could get something temporary for a while, if I really can’t find anything.”

“I’m sorry,” Tosh apologised, pushing a piece of penne around her plate.

Lois tutted. “Stop apologising. You know I was only joking about it being your fault.”

Tosh gave a half shrug and watched as Lois ate her chip, her face turning thoughtful. “I’d give it a seven.”

“Seven?”

“Out of ten,” Lois elaborated. “The chips are excellent, but they didn’t drain the fish well enough. It’s got too much oil on it for my liking. But I’ll give the pub a bonus point for the wine and company.”

Tosh grinned bashfully, taking her last mouthful of pasta. “The wine is quite nice,” she agreed. “And it’s good to have company, for a change.”

“You don’t know many people?”

“Not outside of work. I don’t really have the time, and my job isn’t exactly great for planning ahead. I’m surprised I haven’t been called in yet this evening, actually.”

Lois laughed, though she looked vaguely discontent. “Doesn’t it ever get too much? Spending all your time at work, the unreliability of your hours, the lack of free time.”

“It’s brilliant, though,” Tosh said, her brain trailing away into deep thought. “The things I’ve seen; what I’ve achieved working there. It’s indescribable.”

Tosh snapped her eyes away from her thoughts and saw that Lois was staring right at her, a soft smile on her face. “But… it does get lonely, from time to time,” Tosh continued. “Sometimes I realise just what it’s taking away from me. I’m missing out on an entire life of normality.”

“Then,” Lois said, bending forwards and taking Tosh’s hands in hers. “Let me be your normality. Let me remind you what it feels like to _live_.”

Tosh couldn’t remember who paid the bill at the pub, but she _could_ remember how Lois felt, lips on hers, bodies pressed so tight against each other that Tosh didn’t know where she ended and Lois began. And for one night, as Lois’ hand was slowly creeping up Tosh’s skirt, Tosh forgot about the world of Torchwood - forgot about the five am Rift alerts and the painfully long all-nighters - and just lived.

* * *

There wasn’t really a word for how Tosh felt towards Lois. It was a mix of everything - deep admiration of a person so kind, and yet hilariously funny and bold, who would actually listen to Tosh and choose to spend time with _her_. There was an immense attraction, both physically and emotionally, the same feeling Tosh had felt when Lois turned and walked away on the Plass the first day they met. This was a woman Tosh could fall in love with, if she wanted to let herself.

But they weren’t in that kind of a relationship. The promise was there, but deeper than any romantic attraction was their firmly-rooted, intense friendship, borne out of coffee shop conversations and evening pub meals (with a healthy amount of simply _fantastic_ sex too). Through the weeks they spent together, Tosh found herself tethered to the outside world, thoughts not wholly surrounding Torchwood and her job. And finally, just _finally,_ Tosh was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel of her grief. She wasn’t forgetting Owen - wasn’t just replacing him - but was starting to think back on memories of him with fondness and laughter, rather than despair and regret.

Of course, there were bad days too. Healing was a process, and something Tosh had learnt she didn’t have full control over. But now she had someone to turn to, someone who didn’t necessarily _know_ Owen, but could tell what he had meant to her.

“I’ve got an entire bloody English degree,” Lois said one evening from her sofa, her head on Tosh’s lap as idly watched some crappy TV show to pass the time. “I spent four years of my life slaving away for that, and I can’t even get a bloody job.”

Tosh combed her fingers through Lois’ hair, gently offering her own comfort. For as much as Lois was there for her, Tosh was always there in return.

“It’s not your fault. It’s mid June - nowhere’s hiring this time of year,” she consoled, feeling Lois’ body rise and fall with a long sigh.

“Is it me?” Lois asked, voice timid and quiet. “I often wonder if I’m doing the wrong thing. It took me so long to get that banking job, and I lost it within six months.”

“Shh,” Tosh said, leaning down to press a soft kiss to Lois’ temple. “It’s _not_ you, I promise. Just wait - someone’s gonna eventually see how brilliant you are.”

Lois laughed, her shoulders shaking against Tosh’s lap. Tosh felt something stir inside her as Lois brought her fingers up to gently trace the back of her knee, fingertips pressing softly up her thigh as her hand moved. Lois rolled over so that she was no longer facing the TV but instead looking up at Tosh.

“You always know _just_ what to say, don’t you?” she asked, and Tosh responded by leaning down and pulling her into a deep, awkwardly angled kiss.

And then there were _far_ better things for Tosh to be saying (though, calling Lois brilliant was certainly mentioned at least a few more times that night).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos very much appreciated! (there's never enough love for wlw content in this fandom!)  
> Find me on Tumblr @thirteeninafez


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something I forgot to point out in chapter one is a little note saying that I am not keeping directly to canon in terms of events that happen (I mean, Tosh is alive and it's not like Lois really lives in Cardiff.) I've changed a few details in COE as well, but more on that next time! Enjoy this chapter :)

“You missed a call.”

Tosh looked over at Gwen, holding her phone up from the sofa where she was sitting almost on top of Jack, the two of them grinning sneakily at Tosh as she approached.

“Oh. Thank you, I was wondering where my phone was,” Tosh replied, going to grab the phone off Gwen. But before she could, Gwen pulled her hand back.

“From  _ Lois _ ,” Gwen said, giggling as if the name was a punchline to a joke Tosh wasn’t aware of.

“Lois with a winky face,” Jack added, wagging his eyebrows.

“Lois, your… girlfriend?” Gwen teased, eyes sparkling.

“We’re not dating,” Tosh said defensively.

“Oh, right, just friends. Friends who spend an  _ awful  _ lot of time in each other’s beds,” Gwen continued, grinning up at a mortified Tosh.

“Funny,” Jack said, pretending to think. “That’s just how Ianto used to describe our relationship.”

Gwen let out a quiet shriek. “And now look at the two of you!”

Tosh snatched her phone from Gwen’s hand, checking the screen as she walked away to see that yes, she’d missed a call from Lois.

_ “Tosh?”  _ Lois’ voice rang out when the phone connected. Tosh couldn’t help the grin that fell into place on her face.

“Hi! I’m sorry I missed your call earlier. You got time now?”

_ “For you, always.” _

“Stop it, you flirt,” Tosh groaned.

_ “Guilty as charged,”  _ Lois replied, and Tosh could hear her smile through the phone.  _ “I got some news today.” _

“What happened?” Tosh asked, her fun attitude dropping as her mind immediately jumped to the worst scenario.

_ “Good news, Tosh. Don’t worry.” _

“Oh,” Tosh said, breathing a sigh she didn’t realise she’d been holding in.

_ “I…”  _ Lois began, pausing for a dramatic second.  _ “I got an interview offer from one of the jobs I applied to.” _

“Oh, Lois!” Tosh cried out, immediately jumping up from her desk before she remembered that she was on the phone, and there was nobody to hug in front of her. “That’s amazing! I told you that you’d get there!”

_ “You did,”  _ Lois agreed, laughing nervously into the phone.  _ “I’m… really excited about it.” _

“You are? What job is it? Who’s it working for?” Tosh asked.

_ “Well,”  _ Lois said, again pausing.  _ “I was wondering if we could talk about it in-person? Perhaps… tonight?” _

Tosh was bringing up the Rift predictor before Lois had even finished speaking. “Work looks quiet this evening. Let’s celebrate!”

_ “Oh, I’m glad,” _ Lois said, breathing a sigh of relief.  _ “I might have… already impulse booked us in for dinner. At La Table.” _

“La Table?” Tosh asked, eyes going wide. Tosh knew the French restaurant Lois was suggesting was far from cheap, even though she hadn’t dined there before.

_ “Yeah, if that’s okay? It’s only an interview, but it’s the furthest I’ve got in weeks. And I’d really appreciate the company.” _

“No, of course!” Tosh instantly replied. “I’d love to. When should we meet?”

_ “Seven, at my place? Seeing as mine is along the way from yours.” _

“Brilliant. It’s a-” Tosh started, and only just managed to catch herself. “I’ll see you later.”

_ “I’m looking forward to it already,”  _ Lois said happily.  _ “Now, go get back to saving the world, or destroying another business - or whatever the hell it is you do.” _

Tosh laughed, said a final goodbye and hung up. She sat down, hands on her knees as she tried to wrap her head around the fact that she was going on a date that evening. Well - not a  _ date _ . A nice meal out at a posh restaurant with the woman she was growing to like more and more every day that passed.

Thinking about it made Tosh slightly giddy, so of course she kept thinking about it for the rest of her working day.

The problem came when it got to 6:30, and Tosh was standing in front of her wardrobe, half the contents out on her bed. In a mad panic, Tosh reached for her phone, opening up her messaging app.

To Gwen:  _ What do you usually wear on a date? _

After three minutes, in which Tosh almost considered deleting the message, her phone finally buzzed.

From Gwen:  _ Depends what kind of a date it is. _

Tosh closed her eyes, checked the time on the ticking clock, and realised she wasn’t getting out of giving Gwen the details.

To Gwen:  _ It’s not a “date” date; in fact, I don’t even know if it’s a ‘more than friends’ thing. _

From Gwen:  _ Okay, gotcha. Restaurant? _

To Gwen:  _ La Table _

From Gwen:  _ Ooo, Tosh! That’s an easy one - it’s a suit-and-tie kind of place. Wear something nice, and at least you won’t look out of place with the other diners. _

Tosh let out a sigh of relief and reassessed her options. 

To Gwen:  _ Thanks, Gwen. That’s a big help. _

From Gwen:  _ No worries. Have a good night, and say hi to Lois from me! _

Fighting the urge to roll her eyes, Tosh turned back to her wardrobe. She had twenty minutes to get changed and walk to meet Lois at hers. She could do this.

“Congratulations!” Tosh cried the second Lois’ door was opened.

The woman standing in front of her, with a look of pleasant surprise on her face, was entirely beautiful. Tosh had hoped that as they got to know each other better, she’d stop being rendered speechless when she so much as glanced at Lois, but if anything, it was getting worse. Lois had a pale pink dress on, the material hugging her tightly until the skirt loosened around her hips, swaying in the outside breeze. She wore a dainty necklace that followed the curve of her neck and lay between her collar bones, both of which were showing. Tosh dared to look at her face, observing a darkening of Lois’ cheeks as her eyes fixed on the flowers Tosh was holding.

“Flowers?” she asked, startled.

“For you, and your job interview,” Tosh explained, presenting the white carnations that she had hurried to buy during her lunch break earlier on.

“You shouldn’t have,” Lois said, though her grin said otherwise. “Honestly, it’s only an interview. I’ve not got the job.”

“I know,” Tosh replied, stepping inside for a moment as Lois went to find a vase to put the flowers in. “They’re meant to represent good fortune. Not that you need any luck, of course.”

Lois reappeared, smoothing down her dress. She reached out a hand, tangled their fingers together and stepped back out of the house.

“Thank you,” she said, leaning close to press a kiss to Tosh’s cheek.

By the time they’d made it to La Table, their conversation was flowing as easily as always. A waiter showed them to their table, menus were handed out, and then the reality of the quiet, intimate scene caught up on Tosh. She was really here, at a fancy French restaurant, having dinner with the gorgeous woman sitting opposite her. It was enough to make her heart flutter in her chest, a staccato beat that drummed through her body and made picking up her cutlery almost impossible.

“So,” Tosh began, once their meals had been ordered. “Tell me all about this job.”

Lois’ eyes fluttered to the left, her smile fixing sharp for a second. “It’s… something I can’t tell you about.”

“Oh?”

“The tables have turned,” Lois joked, cracking a laugh out. “Let’s just say that if I get it, I’m going to have to sign the Official Secrets Act.”

_ “Oh,”  _ Tosh repeated, for a lack of better words. “Is it dangerous?”

“No, I promise. It’s nothing major.”

“Right,” Tosh said. “Are you excited about it, though?”

“Very,” Lois said, turning her head as their waiter appeared with their main courses.

They ate in companionable silence, but Tosh now felt like there was a layer of tension hanging between them, as if unsaid words were wrapping around the table like a blanket.

“Do you-”

“I should-”

Tosh froze, and then started to laugh. “You go first.”

“No, you,” Lois parried, and Tosh raised an eyebrow at her, staying silent. “Fine. It’s about the job.”

Tosh nodded, trying to pretend her chicken didn’t now taste like sawdust in her mouth as her anxiety grew.

“The job’s brilliant, everything about it makes me really excited. Except for just one thing.”

“What is it?”

Lois lifted up a pair of incredibly guilty eyes to look at Tosh. “It’s in London.”

The fork Tosh was holding dropped the short distance onto her plate, making a loud clattering noise. But Tosh didn’t hear it.

London.  _ London? _

“London?” she said aloud, faintly.

Lois placed her cutlery neatly on her empty plate, casting her eyes downwards. “I wasn’t looking for anything far away. I wanted to stay local. I love it here, I love the city, I love the people I’ve met.”

Tosh looked up at her, catching Lois’ eyes.  _ But I love  _ you, Tosh wanted to say, wanted to scream - but she swallowed her words, knowing that she had to think past her own heart and consider the person in front of her instead.

“This is your future,” Tosh said, surprised her voice wasn’t cracking. “It’s important. If the job is really worth it, the location shouldn’t matter.”

Lois gave her a searching look, almost looking… disappointed? Tosh shook the thought as soon as it formed.

“But it does matter. I like what I have here, and it would be…” Lois took a breath and paused. She looked back up at Tosh, a weak smile on her face. “Nothing is certain, anyway. It’s quite competitive, so it’s likely I won’t get past the interview.”

“No sane person would turn you down,” Tosh quipped, gathering up her emotions and putting them to one side. She’d analyse what this all fully meant at some other point. For now, they were here to celebrate.

“How was your fish?” Tosh asked instead, and Lois gratefully took the distraction.

They still went back to Lois’ flat after the meal, thoughts of the possible move pushed to the back of their minds as they pulled each other’s clothes off with an impatient fervour. They spent hours slowly taking the other apart, exploring each other as if it were the first time all over again, as if they were suddenly scared to lose what they hadn’t really realised they had.

And yet, early the next morning, before either the sun or Lois had woken, Tosh slipped out of their bed and the comforting arms around her and left for work.

* * *

“So. How was the date?”

Tosh was jolted from her intense focus on the algorithm she was running and turned to see Gwen. Her grin was wide and infectious as she leant on her elbow on the side of her desk.

“It was… good. Thank you,” Tosh answered. “Lois got a job interview.”

“Oh, that’s brilliant news!” Gwen exclaimed, sitting down on the spare chair. 

“Yeah. It is.”

There was a pause, and Gwen’s eyes softened slightly. “So, what’s wrong?”

“Wrong?”

“Something happened, I can tell. What is it?” Gwen continued, her face open and comforting.

For a moment, Tosh didn’t want to respond. But looking at Gwen, seeing the bright excitement she had had when she sat down to ask about her date, Tosh realised that she  _ couldn’t  _ lie to her.

“It’s… the job, it’s not - well,” Tosh began, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. “It’s in London.”

“Oh,” Gwen said, immediately reaching out an arm to comfortingly rub up the top of Tosh’s arm. “Oh, sweetheart.”

“It’s okay,” Tosh continued. “Because we weren’t - we aren’t dating, or anything. We’re just friends, and this job means a lot to Lois. She shouldn’t throw away a part of her life just for this.”

“But you want her to, don’t you? Deep down.”

Tosh froze and looked at Gwen, her mouth open. Because of  _ course  _ she wanted Lois to turn down the offer, to whisk her off her feet and tell her that she’d stay. For  _ them _ .

“Nothing’s decided yet,” Tosh said. “I only found out last night.”

“Have you told her how you feel?” Gwen said, her no-nonsense voice out in full. Tosh looked up guiltily at her friend. “Because you should. She deserves to know before she makes any decision.”

Tosh shook her head. “It would just make everything harder for her. She needs to decide this for  _ her,  _ not for any other reason.”

“Tosh!”

The two women split apart, and Gwen hurried back to her workstation, leaving Tosh to turn to Jack. He descended the stairs until he was standing at Tosh’s desk.

“I’ve got something I need you to look into,” he started, dropping a file down onto the desk. “You know how we were looking for a way into the Security Service’s system?”

“Yes?”

“Well, I’ve got it.” Jack grinned at Tosh. “They’re hiring a new secretary, and I’ve got a list of all the applicants.”

* * *

Tosh stared at the list of ten applicants on the file, but could only read one name.

_ Lois Habiba. _

There was no mistaking it. She didn’t need to read the profile on page six to see that the Lois listed here lived in Cardiff, or check the unmistakable photo that went with it. This was her Lois. And this was the job she had applied for in London.

“You okay?” Jack asked, his arms folded across his chest. He followed her train of eyes, looked down at the paper, and it looked like a lightbulb went off in his mind.

“Oh!  _ That _ Lois? No way!”

Tosh nodded numbly, still not sure she knew how to react. 

“That’s brilliant!” Jack said, grin going wide. “Well, obviously not the fact that she’s moving to London. Wait - has she told you yet?”

Tosh looked at Jack’s concerned face. “Mentioned she might be, yeah.”

“Then that’s okay. Look, if the two of you keep up this little thing you have going on, we’ve got the perfect way into MI5.”

Tosh continued to just stare at Jack. He wasn’t asking her what she thought he was, right?

“Perhaps you could skew the data a little bit. Add in a few things to trip up the other candidates, you know? Make sure she gets the job,” Jack told her, still with that stupid dumb grin on his face. “We both want her to get this, right?”

Tosh wanted to cry.

For their entire friendship, developing relationship, or whatever else they wanted to call whatever it was they had, Tosh had tried firmly to keep Torchwood  _ out  _ of Lois’ life _.  _ It wasn’t just because of the contract Tosh had signed when she got the job. Everything that came with Torchwood was dangerous. If Tosh could keep Lois safe, this one shining beacon of naive happiness, then it gave Tosh a tether to reality.

Jack seemed to sense Tosh’s inner conflict. “You know, to get a job with the Security Service, you have to sign the Official Secrets Act. If Lois did that,” Jack said, trying to look nonchalant, “then you’d have my support to tell her about our job.”

Their eyes linked. Tosh wanted to get angry, call Jack out for putting this decision on her all of a sudden, but she couldn’t. Because now she was thinking about those nights where she’d get back home and sob herself to sleep because of the terrors she’d seen during the day. And Jack was offering her this person who she could talk to, unload on, and confide in. Someone who wasn’t a part of Torchwood but could know about it and be there for her. Her own Rhys Williams.

“Just think about it,” Jack finished, reaching a hand to squeeze Tosh’s shoulder.

And Tosh did. In fact, she did practically nothing else  _ except  _ think about what Jack had said and the choice she now had to make.

Because it would be so easy for her. She could just slightly influence the decision, ensure that Lois got the job that she wanted so badly. She wouldn’t ever have to tell Lois what she’d done. And really - having a link to MI5 would be brilliant for their job, Tosh knew that.

A sneakier, more selfish part of Tosh told her that she could also do the opposite. She could change the application so that Lois certainly  _ didn’t  _ get the job, and then everything they’d been building up to would be there, would stay the same.

Tosh felt disgusted for even considering that option.

She needed to talk to someone, but there was nobody she could talk to. She wouldn’t ask Ianto to keep this from Jack, and she couldn’t ask Gwen - because there was no doubt that Gwen would go storming into Jack’s office and have a go at him, whether or not his intentions had been good or bad.

It was times like these that Tosh missed Owen more than anything. He would be honest with her - perhaps  _ brutally  _ honest, but he’d help her make the decision.

But Owen wasn’t here anymore, and Lois’ interview was coming up quicker than ever. Tosh regretfully had to lie to Lois about work being busy - finding any excuse to not have to face Lois - but she couldn’t not see her prior to the interview. Tosh wasn’t  _ cruel. _

So on Thursday night, Tosh found herself back at their local pub sitting opposite Lois, who looked a mix of nerves, determination and… worry.

“I’ll tell you how it goes as soon as I get back,” Lois said, sipping her drink more for a want of something to do. “There’s not too many applicants, and they’re gonna tell me whether or not I got it before I leave. There’s paperwork to do.”

Tosh nodded, feeling a fresh wave of guilt open up inside her. “I’m sure you’ll get it,” she insisted, clenching her glass tight.

“Stop saying that,” Lois muttered. “You don’t know that for sure.”

Tosh swallowed deeply and let the conversation change topics.

“So,” Lois said, after three more drinks and a lot of half-attempts at conversation. “Do you wanna come back to mine? Give me some proper luck before tomorrow?”

Tosh flashed an apologetic smile. “I’m really sorry. I’ve got to be in early tomorrow, and I’m already shattered from this week.”

Lois returned the smile, but it looked very forced. “Have you been ignoring me on purpose?”

“What? No, of course not!” Tosh lied, jumping to defend herself.

“Is it because of the job?” Lois continued, but Tosh stayed quiet. Lois took a breath. “Do you think it’s a bad idea?”

“No, it’s not,” Tosh insisted, seeing a downcast expression in Lois’ eyes. “You care about this job, and it’s a life-changing decision to make. It’s not up to me, even if I did think it was a bad idea. Which I don’t.”

“It is though. Up to you,” Lois said, suddenly very soft. “I care about what you think.”

The ‘I care for  _ you’ _ was left unsaid, but both women felt it.

“It’s late,” Tosh finally said, breaking the silence. “You need to be up early tomorrow, and so do I.”

“Right,” Lois answered, and Tosh wanted nothing more than to take her up on her offer, rush back to Lois’ home and spend the entire night together. Screw the job interview tomorrow, screw her job and the decision that came with it.

But Tosh wasn’t that brave - or, really, that stupid - so she gave Lois a smile and a quick peck on the cheek at her front door and turned back to continue home alone.

* * *

Friday  _ dragged. _

Tosh sent Lois a good luck message early in the morning, though it felt bland and forced. She wasn’t surprised that Lois only responded with a ‘Thanks x’, and Tosh put her phone down as a Rift alert beeped up on her computer.

The team spent the first few hours of the working day dredging through a muddy, rainy park, searching for a small metal item which could’ve been anywhere. By the time they had found it and returned to the Hub, they were all tired and hungry. Of course, Tosh got to work on the item straight away, scanning it with every instrument she could think of. But she had no luck. Whatever it was, it didn’t want Tosh to find out, and she frustratedly had to pass it to Ianto to take it to the archive at the end of the day.

Tosh kept looking at her phone, willing it to buzz or flash up with a message. Lois hadn’t contacted her since the morning. When 5PM arrived, Jack appeared at her shoulder.

“Go home,” he told her, giving her a smile.

“But I’ve still got the paperwork to write up from the Rift gift today, and-”

“Tosh,” Jack interrupted, reaching out a hand to pat her shoulder. “Go home.”

It turned out it was a good job Jack had insisted she went home when she did, because barely half an hour after getting back, Tosh heard a knock on her door.

It was almost comical how quickly she got up, racing towards the door before she stopped and collected herself. Her heart was beating incredibly fast.

She opened the door and saw Lois, still looking radiant and unfairly attractive in her interview outfit. Tosh felt the familiar sense of ease fall across her as she looked at Lois, that feeling of relief from the day, and peace. She smiled, and received a small one in response.

Tosh didn’t need to invite her in, she just stepped to the side and let Lois follow. They made it all the way to the living room before any one of them broke the silence.

“So..?” Tosh asked, not knowing if she wanted to hear the answer.

Lois looked at Tosh, her smile growing until she was full on beaming, her eyes full. “I got the job!”

Tosh might’ve let out an undignified shriek, but she wasn’t sure because the next thing she remembered was being pulled into the tightest, warmest hug she had ever had. She pressed her nose into Lois’ shoulder, twirling them around as they both laughed, giddy. They finally broke away, holding each other close still.

“I told you you’d do it,” Tosh said, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to Lois’ lips.They let go of one another, moving down to sit on the sofa.

“It was so intimidating,” Lois said. “They were all so strict, so serious. I felt for sure that I’d messed up somewhere, or that they thought I was stupid for even turning up. But then they called me back at the end, told me that I have the perfect attitude towards the job. I was  _ stunned.” _

“When do you start?” Tosh asked.

“Two weeks on Monday. But I would have to move down next Friday, get used to the area and all. They said they’d pay any hotel bills until I found a proper place to live. It’s all so sudden.”

“So, London. Wow. You’re gonna do great there,” Tosh said, pretending her smile was genuine.

Lois gave her a very calculated look. “Just because I’ve signed the Official Secrets Act doesn’t mean I can’t still say no to the job.”

“You’ve signed it?” Tosh asked, and a sudden burst of excitement bubbled up inside her. 

“We had to, after he offered me the job,” Lois said, looking vaguely confused. “Why?”

“Lois,” Tosh began, reaching out her hands to hold Lois’. “I can finally tell you about my job.”

“At last?” Lois teased, echoing Tosh grin. “You can actually tell me? Oh, I don’t know if I’m  _ ready  _ to hear this.”

Tosh took a deep breath. “I’m with Torchwood.”

Lois’ eyes bulged. “Torchwood?”

“Have you heard of us?”

Lois gave her an incredulous look. “Yeah, like the majority of the city have too.”

Tosh rolled her eyes. “We’re a… well, a sort of special division. My boss likes to say ‘outside the government, beyond the police.’”

“You’re kidding. I can’t believe I’m going to find out what Torchwood actually does,” Lois continued. “I’m… not sure if I’m allowed to tell you what job I was offered. I know you said you signed the act, but-”

In her excitement, Tosh cut her off.

“Oh, you don’t need to worry; I know what it is already. You’d be working as a receptionist in Thames House, for the Security Service. Jack told me about it - he saw the applications, wanted me to keep an eye on it, and-”

Tosh stopped as she felt Lois’ hands fall from hers. Lois was frozen, her body rigid. Her shoulders stiffened as all the joy fell from her face.

“Keep an eye on it?” she said, voice very bland all of a sudden. “What does that mean?”

Tosh paused, wishing she could retract her previous words. “We just… have a little interest in these kinds of things. You know, to do with the Secret Service or UNIT, or...”

“How long did you know?”

Feeling a little guilty, Tosh continued. “A little while now.”

Lois snorted. “Ah, right, it all makes sense.”

Tosh felt dread pass through her. “What do you mean?”

“You ‘have a little interest in these kinds of things?’ That’s one way of putting it. I meet you and give you my number. Next thing I know, you’re turning up at my job, flirting with me, and suddenly the whole business collapses. I’m out of a job.”

“I told you before; that wasn’t at all our intention,” Tosh said, but Lois ignored her.

“You keep talking to me, but it’s not like you were ever gonna actually commit to a relationship or anything. Was this why?”

“Why what?” Tosh asked, stricken.

“Was this all your fault? You got me out of a job, got close to me so that I’d trust you, and then made sure I was emailed an ad for a new position in London. A job that your Torchwood seems  _ very  _ suspiciously interested in.”

“What? That’s  _ absurd _ . Why would I do that?”

“You already said your boss told you to keep an eye on me. Did he want a spy? Someone to blackmail if he ever needed a way into MI5?”

“He didn’t even know you were applying. Neither of us did until we got the names through,” Tosh said, hoping Lois wouldn’t pick up on how she had avoided the question. Because she was right, wasn’t she? This was  _ exactly  _ what Jack had wanted. “Lois, I’d never have done that. I care about you.”

“Then,” Lois suddenly exclaimed, turning an accusatory look to Tosh. “Why have you been ignoring me this past week?”

“Because-” Tosh began, fumbling for words which were ‘my boss told me to ensure you got the job so that we could have a contact in MI5, and I didn’t know how to feel about that’. “I just - it’s been a busy week, and-”

Lois scoffed loudly. “Don’t give me that  _ shit.” _

“Look, Lois,” Tosh started, swallowing as she tried to find the right words. “I might’ve known what your job is, but I had nothing to do with you getting it! I promise you.”

“You expect me to believe that?”

“Yes!” Tosh cried out. “Because we trust each other. Because I  _ care  _ for you, Lois.”

“Oh, that’s rich,” Lois muttered. “Knowing how I feel for you.”

“How you-” Tosh breathed, a spark of hope flaring inside her, despite the turn their conversation had taken.

“Don’t pretend you didn’t know. It’s obvious to anybody else,” Lois continued, sounding resigned. “I gave you space and time because you told me you were still grieving over Owen, and this is what happens? Was he even real? Or was he just a part of your plan to gain my trust?”

Tosh stood up. “Don’t you  _ dare  _ bring Owen into this,” she said warningly, her voice quiet and dangerous. “Don’t you  _ dare.” _

“You’ve been lying to me and ignoring me this whole week. Am I meant to still trust you?” Lois shot back, and Tosh physically flinched.

“Lois,” she started, unsure whether she wanted to yell at the woman or get down on her knees and beg for forgiveness.

Lois stood up, pacing to the other side of the room. “I can’t believe I was going to - I really was considering turning down this job for you. Ha!” she spoke, sounding half-crazed.

Tosh’s mouth opened and closed like a fish. “Lois, let me explain myself. You’re jumping to the wrong conclusion.”

“Tosh,” Lois said, turning to face her. “In the nicest way possible, I’ve had a really long day, and right now, speaking to you is about the last thing I want to do.”

Tosh’s lip trembled slightly as she tried to figure out where exactly this evening had gone so wrong. “Lois, I’m sorry for not being here for you this week. I was just being  _ stupid.  _ But I’m  _ so  _ sorry, and-”

“Oh, save me the sob story,” she snarled, walking back into the hallway and towards the front door. Tosh hastened to follow her. “You know, actually? Thank you, Tosh. Thank you very much for making my decision on whether or not to move to London  _ so  _ much easier.”

Tosh watched, pain etched over every bit of her, as Lois stormed out of her house. It felt like a large piece of her life had just ended, walked away to never be seen again.

* * *

The week that followed was hell for Tosh.

She was completely off her game, both in and out of work. On the Monday after her and Lois’ argument, she was so distracted that she managed to get herself scratched by the blue snarling alien who had fallen through the Rift and was running around Cardiff. The scratch hadn’t been so bad - but the infection she got was. Jack told her she was very lucky that the antibiotics she took could fight it off, because she could very easily have lost her entire arm.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, her coworkers seemed to already understand that Tosh wasn’t exactly the happiest person at the moment. No doubt Jack had seen who had been offered the job in London, and it appeared he’d told Gwen and Ianto about it too, as they’d been uncharacteristically sympathetic to her over the past few days. Tosh didn’t want their sympathy - not when it was her own fault that things had gone so wrong between her and Lois.

By Thursday, when Jack deemed her wound recovered enough to not need constant supervision anymore, she returned home. But the empty house, full of so many memories of happier times, wasn’t what she needed right now, and before she knew it, Tosh was at Lois’ door. Lois would be leaving tomorrow, and Tosh  _ wasn’t  _ going to let their last memory be their argument the week prior.

“Go away.”

The door was slammed in her face, and Tosh had to take deep breaths to calm herself.

“Lois, please. I’m not going to leave until you let me in,” she yelled, wrapping her arms around her body. It was late June, but still cold enough that she regretted not bringing a coat with her.

It only took five minutes for Lois to realise that Tosh wasn’t lying and really was planning to stay outside for as long as it took. The door creaked open again, and Tosh didn’t wait for Lois to change her mind.

“I’m giving you five minutes, and that’s all,” Lois told her, standing with her hands on her hips in the blue-themed kitchen.

So Tosh told her everything. Told her about Torchwood’s real purpose, how they’re a small branch and have to keep an eye on the politics of other departments. She told Lois, who finally gave some sort of response to her words, all about the aliens that came through the Rift, and how it was their job to keep the public from harm. And then she told her about Jack and what he’d said when he found out that Lois was applying for her job and how miserable she’d felt with the decision she’d been told to make.

“But I swear,” Tosh said, staring imploringly into Lois’ eyes. “I swear I never interfered. I knew you’d get the job. You didn’t need my help to do that, and I wouldn’t be able to live with knowing you only got it because of me.”

As Tosh drew to a finish, Lois looked at her contemplatively. Tosh couldn’t tell if there was anger beneath her eyes, but she very much hoped that over the week she’d at least lost her initial rage.

“Every last bit is true, Lois. I promise,” Tosh told her, reaching out a hand that Lois shrugged away.

Tosh couldn’t help the squeak she let out, using her right hand to steady her left arm. The scratch still hurt, throbbed in time with her heartbeat.

“Are you okay?” Lois asked, concern washing over her.

“Just a scratch,” Tosh said, feeling the pain dim slowly. “Big blue alien, on Monday, got me. Thought it was going to get properly infected, but it’s much better now.”

Lois stared at her, and then, impossibly, began to laugh.

“Aliens?” she asked, as soon as her laughter had died down.

“Yes,” Tosh said. “Aliens are  _ everywhere  _ in the city.”

“My  _ boss _ was an alien?”

And then they were both laughing, the tension between them forgotten for a moment as the absurdity of the situation hit them.

“I believe you, Tosh,” Lois finally said, and Tosh felt her heart soar. “I might not be happy with the truth, but I trust you to be telling it.”

“Thank you,” Tosh breathed out, relief washing over her.

“But,” Lois said, and Tosh froze. “You know this doesn’t really make a difference, right?”

“What do you mean?”

Lois looked at her, a half-smile showing. “I’m going to London. You’re staying here in Cardiff. Whatever we had, we were growing towards, it had to end at some point.”

“We could… we could make something work,” Tosh insisted, ignoring how dry her throat now felt. “Other people have done long-distance… relationships.”

“But that’s the thing, Tosh,” Lois continued, refusing to meet her eyes. “We said so at the start. This wasn’t ever meant to be anything more than a bit of fun. Never a relationship.”

“But what if I want it to be?” Tosh whispered, the truth hurting her nearly as much as the terribly regretful look Lois gave her.

“Maybe if you’d told me that a month ago, things would’ve turned out different. But I can’t go into this job knowing our departments are at odds against each other. This,” Lois said, swallowing as she indicated between them, “was never going to work.”

Tosh bit her lip, nodding slowly even as she felt the first tear slip from her eye.

“It’s okay,” Lois said, reaching over a hand to hold her cheek. She used her thumb to brush the tear away, her own voice sounding like it was going to break any moment too. “Shh, it’s okay.”

“Please,” Tosh begged, reaching her good arm out to draw Lois closer. “Please don’t do this.”

“Don’t make this harder than it is,” Lois said, but let herself be pulled into the deep, melancholy kiss that Tosh gave her.

“Let me have tonight,” Tosh pleaded, peppering soft kisses over Lois’ face, trying to ignore the salty taste of her tears. “Just tonight, Lois.”

“I’m leaving tomorrow morning.”

“I’ll be gone before you wake,” Tosh promised, clutching at Lois’ back as they leant against the kitchen table.

“Okay,” Lois whispered back, leaning in to kiss, kiss again, and never stop kissing Tosh.  _ “Okay.” _

There were no words to describe the tumultuous emotions that Tosh felt that night. Tosh savoured every touch, tried to commit to memory every noise and reaction Lois gave to her. They made love with a dying passion, both knowing deep down that they were losing something life-changing. Tosh clung to Lois as she took her apart time and time again, body going boneless, and tears fell from both of them, unable to be stopped in their paths down their soft cheeks.

But by the morning, like she had promised, Tosh was gone. And if Lois spent the train journey down to London trying not to let people hear her soft crying, nobody else had to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for the lovely support on the first chapter! I really do appreciate every comment I get!
> 
> find me on tumblr @thirteeninafez


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter is here! I'll say more about it at the end, but warning: major COE spoilers up ahead! You have been warned!  
> (Anything that goes against canon in this chapter, just ignore. I know there are deviations, but that's the beauty of an AU!)

It was Monday morning - Lois’ first day - when the children stopped.

As far as distractions went, this one, Tosh thought, was pretty big. As if to add to the sharp sting of Lois officially starting her new life today, Jack and Ianto had taken an interest in some young doctor. (They needed a replacement for Owen, Tosh had the scar on her arm to prove that, but did they have to go looking today? Of all days?)

But the children had got in the way of anything else. Gwen was off investigating some old man in a care home, Ianto and Jack had gone their separate ways to try to find a kid to talk to, and Tosh was left at the Hub, keeping an eye on the situation and trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

Reports of children freezing in Wales, across the UK, in the whole of Europe - the entire  _ world.  _ Tosh didn’t know what she was meant to do. It was happening everywhere, for no reason that anybody could understand. But Tosh wasn’t just anybody - her mind was already  _ working. _ If all the children were talking at once, that meant there had to be some form of communication going on. A link between the kids and whatever was causing this. It could be telepathic for all she knew. But if the children were all acting as receivers, she knew there had to be one singular transmitter. If she could find that, work out how the children were getting and repeating the message, then maybe she could-

Her phone rang.

Tosh looked down at it, expecting to see one of her co-workers, and almost dropped the phone. 

_ Lois ;-) _

Why was Lois calling her now? Surely she’d only just started her new job. Unless… she could be having second thoughts about it. Maybe the job wasn’t what she’d thought it would be, maybe she needed to talk to someone, or maybe-

The phone rang out, and Tosh realised that in her frozen panic she had missed her opportunity. She cursed, unlocked the phone and checked her messages.

_ From Lois:  _ Tosh, I know you don’t want to pick up. But please, this is important. Call me back.

Immediately, Tosh pressed the call button.

“Hello? Lois, are you-”

_ “Tosh,”  _ Lois’ voice whispered, sounding panicked.  _ “Listen to me, I don’t have long. Your boss phoned our department earlier, and I recognised the name. I looked into the files, and God. They’re going to  _ kill  _ him.” _

“What?” Tosh exclaimed, eyes going wide. “Jack? Kill him?”

_ “And not just that. MI5 are targeting you, Tosh. You and all of Torchwood. They want you gone.” _

“Hang on a minute. Lois, calm down. You’re not making sense.”

_ “No, Tosh, I don’t have the time!”  _ Lois snapped back.  _ “They want to get rid of you all. You need to get somewhere safe, go into hiding.” _

“Why would they want to do that?” Tosh asked. “We want to work with you guys, not against you.”

_ “Tosh, just listen to me. They know where your base is and they know your names. I’m committing treason to call you, do you understand?” _

Tosh took a deep breath. “Okay. I believe you.”

_ “I don’t know what it is that Torchwood are doing, but I couldn’t just let them - let you-”  _

“I get it,” Tosh said as Lois struggled to find the words. “When can I call you back?”

_ “Don’t,”  _ Lois quickly shot out, and Tosh stifled a gasp.  _ “If they find out I’ve told you this… Look, I have to go. This call never happened, okay? I’ve done all I can to help you.” _

“Okay,” Tosh replied, already opening up her maps to see where her co-workers are. There was a pause on the call, long enough for Tosh to wonder if the call had ended.

_ “Please, Tosh. Be safe.” _

The call clicked off as soon as Lois had finished speaking, and Tosh took a moment to process what had just happened.

Then she jumped into action.

* * *

Ianto was the first back, running into the Hub like his life depended on it. (Which, for all the information Tosh had told him, it probably did.)

“Tosh,” he called out, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

She nodded and turned to her desk. There were four large rucksacks on the table, each one filled with various items Tosh had deemed important enough to take with them.

“What’s the plan?” Ianto asked, peering into the bags.

“We need to get out of here as soon as the others get back,” she told him. “You can check through the bags and see if there’s anything I’ve missed.”

“Right,” Ianto nodded, getting to it. “How’d you find out?”

Tosh paused. “Lois phoned me.”

Ianto stopped what he was doing and looked up at her. “Lois?”

She nodded. Ianto looked awkward, like he wasn’t sure if he was meant to be apologising. “Is she… okay?”

“She’s fine. It’s her first day today, and she phoned me to warn us.”

Ianto nodded. “I still can’t understand why MI5 would be targeting us.”

“Neither can I,” Tosh agreed. “I’m just glad Lois was able to… well.”

A grim look fell across Ianto’s face. “If it’s the Secret Service, then they  _ know  _ about Jack. His ability. If they’re planning on trying to kill him-”

Tosh met Ianto’s eyes. They seemed almost unfocused, lost in a faraway thought.

The noise of the Hub door opening got their attention back, and then Gwen was rushing in in a flurry, followed only a few steps behind by Jack himself.

“Tosh, I need you to start preparing the maximum security lockdown procedure. We need to keep this place safe when we evacuate. Gwen,” he ordered, jumping immediately into Captain mode.

“Rhys, Jack, I need to find Rhys. If they know who we are, they’ll find him,” she pleaded, and Jack nodded.

“Okay. Phone him, warn him to get a few things packed in a bag. We’ll detour to yours before leaving. Ianto.”

“Here,” Ianto said, popping up from the last bag he was inspecting.

“Think you can hotwire us a car from somewhere?” he asked, flashing a grin. “If we’re going off grid, we can’t don’t want our number plate tracked.”

“Sure,” Ianto replied. “Probably for the best because… well, I might have lost the SUV.”

“You did what?” Jack said, whipping around to face Ianto.

Ianto gave him a sheepish grin, and out of the corner of her eye, Tosh saw him point towards the exit. “I’ll get to finding a replacement.”

“You better,” Jack growled. His voice softened slightly. “Stay safe, try to stay close. You see anybody acting suspicious, or even just looking twice at you, you get on comms immediately.”

“Of course,” Ianto replied, hurrying out of the Hub.

As she brought up the emergency procedures on the Hub’s mainframe, Tosh felt a presence at her side.

“How’s Lois?” Jack asked in a very quiet voice.

“She’s fine,” Tosh answered. “When I’ve thought about her phoning me again, this isn’t exactly what I hoped she’d be telling me.”

Jack squeezed her arm in an understanding gesture. “But thank goodness she did.”

Tosh nodded. “Lockdown is ready when you are.”

“Would you be able to disable all the CCTV around here first?” Jack asked, and Tosh quickly pulled up one of her most used programs.

“Easy. One mile radius? Five?”

“Five should do it. We’ll have enough time to grab Rhys and get on the road before they even realise we’ve gone.”

Tosh typed out a few commands on her keyboard, wondering when she’d next be using this computer. “That’s programmed.”

“I didn’t get a chance to visit the hospital - I came running as soon as I got your message. We’ll need to investigate once we’re back,” Jack said.

“I’ll make a note,” Tosh replied.

“Gwen?” Jack called, moving away from Tosh’s desk. “You ready to go?”

Gwen popped her head around the door, pocketing her phone. “Yup,” she replied, stuffing something into one of the bags. “Kept a load of bank notes in case of emergency. If they’re tracking us, they’ll be able to see where we use our cards.”

“Good thinking,” Tosh agreed. “I can distort our mobile signals with the portable signal generator I’ve got, but debit cards would be difficult.”

“Okay. Let’s wait for Ianto to get us a car, and then we’ll leave,” Jack said, grabbing a couple of the bags and hooking them over his shoulders.

“Where are we headed?”

“London,” Jack answered. “Everything is happening in London.”

* * *

The Hub 2.0, as Rhys had named it, wasn’t the most comfortable of places.

Tosh sat on a spare chair, hands warming up over a coffee while her memory stick was overwriting the previous data on her new ‘borrowed’ laptop. They may be stuck in a dingy, damp abandoned factory, but if she had access to a laptop, Tosh knew there was nothing else she needed. (The spare outfit, warm food and blankets were also very much appreciated, though.)

“Tosh,” a voice called, bringing her out of her thoughts. “Do you have a minute?”

Tosh leaned back on her chair and looked up at Gwen. She gave her a smile. “Of course. This is gonna take a little while yet.”

“Great,” Gwen said. She awkwardly stayed standing up until Tosh indicated the other chair beside her.

“Is everything okay?” Tosh asked, recognising the half-smile Gwen used when there was something on her mind.

“Oh, yeah,” Gwen said absentmindedly. “So you know I went to visit that old man earlier? Timothy White?”

Tosh nodded, frowning. “Yes. Did something happen?”

Gwen scratched idly at the fraying material on her chair. “Not really. Well. He was a bit… odd, in the nicest way possible. Peculiar - he’d obviously been deeply affected by whatever happened to him.”

Tosh nodded, remembering what Gwen had filled them in on during their car journey.

“He told me,” Gwen started, and shook his head. “See, he said something to me, and at the time I just  _ couldn’t  _ believe it. There’s no way he could’ve known, and I for sure hadn’t even thought about it yet, but… the way he told me.”

“Told you what?”

Gwen gave her a look, and put her mug down. “I wasn’t sure who to tell. It’s probably not even true, but it’s eating me up inside. I couldn’t tell Rhys, not yet. Not until I know. And Jack and Ianto, well.”

They both looked over to where the two men were sitting on the sofa, both at each end. There had obviously been some kind of argument or serious conversation. Working with a couple was… interesting, Tosh had come to realise over the past few months.

“You can tell me, Gwen. I won’t tell anybody else,” she promised, reaching over to bring Gwen’s hands into her own.

Gwen gave a small, nervous laugh. “Okay. Alright. God,” she started, shaking her head. “He told me, Tosh. He told me that I’m… I’m  _ pregnant. _ ”

“You  _ what _ ?” Tosh breathed, eyes going as wide as saucers. “Oh, Gwen.”

Before she knew it, Tosh was moving over to pull Gwen into a tight hug. Gwen was an affectionate person - and whilst Tosh may prefer other sorts of comfort, she knew Gwen wanted nothing more than to be held right now.

“I know,” Gwen said against Tosh’s shoulder. “Utterly mad. Completely bonkers. But I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it since.”

Tosh gently rubbed Gwen’s shoulder with her arm. “He was just an old man, you said so yourself. But… do you think..?”

“There’s something, Tosh, something sitting heavy inside me that instantly relaxed the second he said ‘pregnant’,” Gwen went on. “It’s not like it’s the most important thing happening right now, but I can’t stop  _ thinking  _ about it. And I can’t do anything about it, except-”

“You can,” Tosh blurted out, pulling backwards so she could stare at Gwen fully. “I brought one of the portable medical scanners down with us, in case anybody got injured. If you want to know, it’ll show you.”

Gwen blinked, looked up at her, and her mouth twisted up into shocked astonishment. “I could find out. Right now?”

“Only if that’s what you want to do,” Tosh insisted. “It might help you stop worrying, but it’s okay if you’re not ready to know.”

“I,” Gwen paused as she considered it.. “Yeah. Yeah, Tosh. Let’s do it.”

“Are you sure?” Tosh asked, not wanting to rush into anything.

“I’m gonna spend the rest of time wondering if I don’t check,” Gwen said. “Let’s bloody well take a scan and find out.”

Tosh gave Gwen’s hand a squeeze. “I’ll grab the scanner, and you get yourself comfy. It won’t take ten seconds.”

“I’m pregnant,” Gwen breathed out. She puffed out her chest and raised her voice. “I’m  _ pregnant _ !”

Three pairs of eyes swivelled to look at Gwen, who was standing tall and radiant, holding the scanner up.

“You’re  _ what _ ?” Rhys exclaimed, frozen to the spot.

“Pregnant,” Gwen said, and Tosh finally saw the wonder in Gwen’s eyes. Gwen walked across the room, picking up pace until she practically threw herself into Rhys’ arms. “You’re going to be a father!”

“Gwennie,” he said, the biggest, widest grin Tosh had ever seen appearing on his face. “Me? You and me, parents? You’re kidding. How-”

“No tears, you big softie,” Gwen chided, leaning in to kiss Rhys stupid.

“Oh my God,” Jack said, bewildered even though he couldn’t stop his own joy from showing.

“And you two, too!” Gwen continued, pulling away from Rhys to put her arms around both Jack and Ianto. “Uncles, Godparents - hell, fathers too!”

Tosh watched the scene, seeing her friends rejoice in the news together. Their situation was entirely dire - they were on the run, fighting directly against the government even as the largest alien threat they’d ever faced loomed on the horizon.

But like always with Torchwood, in the darkest times there came the brightest moments. And as Gwen turned around and beckoned for her to join them, Tosh realised that she wouldn’t want her family any other way.

* * *

When the excitement of the news and the reality they were still facing had set in again, the team gathered themselves around Tosh’s computer station.

“Tosh, have you got access to the Eye 5 software?” Gwen asked, holding an item in her hands.

“Of course,” Tosh agreed, bringing it up. “Why?”

“Because these are not just contact lenses, these are  _ Torchwood  _ contact lenses.”

Tosh remembered the lenses, though she’d never done more with them than test them out for cataloguing in the archives. She briefly wondered why Gwen would have brought them, but was interrupted by Ianto.

“We need a way into Thames House,” he pointed out, and every pair of eyes swivelled around to fix on Tosh.

“I…” Tosh said, her throat going dry as she realised who the only contact they had was. “I’m going to check on the tea.”

Nobody pointed out that there hadn’t actually been any tea heating up. Still, Tosh went to sit by the fire, pulling up a chair as she warmed her hands. It was cold in the abandoned warehouse, and her thoughts were whirring.

“You understand what I’m gonna ask you to do, right?”

Jack’s arm was on her shoulder, warm and grounding.

“It’s funny,” Tosh said without laughing. “This kind of thing is  _ exactly  _ why she didn’t think us staying together was a good idea. And now look at us.”

“You’re strong, Tosh,” Jack told her, leaning in to kiss her hair. “I won’t apologise, because I think you know that the fate of the world lies on this.”

Tosh nodded. “I know.”

As Jack walked away, Tosh pulled out her phone, making sure the signal distorter was still running.

_ To Lois:  _ 30 minutes. Sandwich shop across the road. Don’t worry, they won’t see this message.

* * *

All in all, for a first week on the job this one must be ranking pretty low, Lois thought to herself as she tried to act calm whilst hurriedly making her way down a busy London highstreet.

First of all it was the children. The whole office had been in a mad panic, focus switching entirely to whatever was going on with the kids. Then she’d got a phone call from Captain Jack Harkness, someone who she hadn’t really been wanting to speak to, in all honesty. She  _ had _ hoped that she might be able to keep Torchwood away from her job, but apparently they didn’t have the same idea. It was only when Lois had done a sneaky search on the Torchwood files on the server and found the kill order that she realised what could’ve happened had she not looked into the organisation.

And of course, hearing Tosh’s voice again had been  _ wonderful _ . She’d been in her dreams for a week straight, and to actually speak to her, when Lois had been convinced that she’d never even hear her voice again… well. Better circumstances would’ve been nicer, but at least Lois had been able to warn her of the danger she was in.

Lois hadn’t heard from her on Tuesday, and it had left her in a perpetual state of anxiety that the databases on the system couldn’t erase, even when she saw the ‘Mission Status: Failed’ next to the kill order. Tosh was out there somewhere, possibly injured, possibly  _ worse,  _ while the world fell to pieces around them. And somehow, moving to London had been meant to stop whatever feelings lay inside Lois’ beating heart - helped her to get over Tosh and start anew.

As if that was ever going to have worked. Toshiko Sato had never been, and never would be, the kind of woman you could get over in a week. 

And it seemed fate wasn’t going to even let Lois try, because here she was, walking towards a sandwich shop. She’d been convinced by one singular text, which probably said a lot.

Lois had to stop and do a double take before she found the courage to walk into the shop. Because there was Tosh, sitting at a table, her hands fiddling with a strand of hair as Lois knew she did when she was feeling nervous. She was wearing an outfit that Lois hadn’t seen before, but it suited her all the same. 

Lois knew she could turn around right now. Go back to work, ignore Tosh and whatever it was that she was no doubt going to drag her into. But she couldn’t - she pushed open the door, strode in and took a seat opposite Tosh.

For a minute, no words were uttered. Then-

“Lois,” Tosh whispered, reaching out a hand that Lois immediately flinched away from.

“Don’t,” Lois quietly said back. “There are cameras everywhere around here.”

Tosh shook her head. “We disabled them. Nobody is going to know that you were here.”

She didn’t reach out again, however, keeping her hand placed on the table instead.

“It’s so good to see you,” Tosh said, and Lois could see her trapped emotions; she had always been far better at understanding Tosh’s emotions than Tosh herself had been. Her heart fluttered but she resolutely ignored it.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Lois allowed herself to say. “After Monday, I didn’t know what had happened. You are okay, aren’t you?”

Tosh smiled softly, something underneath the expression. “Just about. We’re managing.”

“Good,” Lois said, and then hardened. “Are you going to tell me why you called me here, then?”

“We need your help.”

Lois let out a long sigh. “Tosh, I've helped you once, and that's enough. If anybody finds out what I'm doing, it's treason.”

Tosh gave her a guilty look. “I know.”

“I can be tried without a jury. They could do  _ anything  _ to me!”

_ “I know!” _ Tosh hissed, and Lois paused. “I know, Lois, but I wouldn’t be asking if there was any other way.”

When Lois made no move to speak again, Tosh decided to continue. “We need to get into Thames House.”

“How’d you want me to do that? It’s the most secure building in the country, I can’t just smuggle you in,” Lois said, feeling stress creep up her body.

“We don’t need you to. Look.” Tosh held up a small case, passing it over to Lois. She regarded the item, and opened the lid. Inside, there were a pair of contact lenses, more rigid than the ones Lois had seen her mum put on every day of her life.

“Are these alien?” Lois whispered, and Tosh nodded.

“They’re safe, I promise. Tried and tested.”

“What do they do?”

Lois looked up from the lenses to see that Tosh had that familiar gleam in her eyes. The one that told Lois that she was about to get an explanation to something that might make no sense to her, but would to Tosh.

“So you can see everything I can see?” Lois asked, after Tosh had finished giving her the rundown. 

Tosh nodded. “And we can contact you too. We type a message on our software, and it’ll appear on the lenses for you to read.”

“Will anybody be able to tell?”

Tosh shook her head. “Alien technology. Above and beyond the security systems and any technology MI5 might currently have.”

Lois nodded, then looked up at her - well, friend? Ex? Ex didn’t quite feel right, somehow. “Even if I wanted to risk my life for this, I can’t. It’d be a challenge enough to get into Thames House, let alone the thirteenth floor. You know I’m just a receptionist.”

“You’re wrong,” Tosh said slowly, making eye contact with Lois that had her hanging off every word she said. “The Lois I know is  _ so  _ much more than ‘just a receptionist’. She’s cunning, incredibly intelligent, and always knows the right thing to say or do.”

“Tosh-” Lois began again, feeling the words stick in her throat.

“This isn’t about you and me, Lois. This goes beyond that.”

“But you know what’ll happen if I’m caught out,” Lois said, not wanting to think about how she would be dealt with if her boss even knew she was meeting up with Tosh.

“Don’t you think I know that, Lois?” Tosh suddenly snapped, almost loud enough to gather the attention of the public around them. Lois widened her eyes, staring at Tosh. She looked deadly serious, as if she was battling against herself to even suggest this. “Of course I know what danger you’d be put in. Do you really think I’d be taking this decision lightly?” Tosh continued, her forehead creasing. “When my boss told me to make sure you got this job, there was a part of me that wanted to go into the files and make sure you  _ didn’t _ .”

Lois blinked, keeping herself from flinching backwards again. She wanted to interrupt, but Tosh was still going.

“People who know me, people who know my job - they get put in danger. It’s  _ always  _ worked that way. And if I could have kept you out of that, kept you away from all of this, don’t you think I would’ve tried my hardest to?” Tosh paused and took a breath, calming herself down. Lois reached across and put her hand on Tosh’s, giving her a focus point even as she stared down at the contact in shock.

“This isn’t about you and me, Lois. This is about the children of this planet. They’re being threatened, and it’s my job to protect them. No matter the cost to me, nor the sacrifices I might have to make.”

Lois let the words settle in, wanting nothing more than to take this incredible weight off of Tosh’s shoulders. She finally thought she understood - those days where Tosh would come back from her job broken and down, wanting nothing more than the comfort Lois could give her. The Tosh she was seeing now was the one who needed her most.

“Will you be watching?” Lois said, finally breaking the silence.

“You won’t be able to stop me,” Tosh snorted, her usual demeanour returning. “I’ll be watching while you sleep.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Lois replied, and suddenly it felt like they were back in her apartment, lying over each other on her sofa, gentle touches coupled with snarky flirtation. And Lois swallowed the memory back down, refusing to let it resurface.

Instead, she stood up. Pressed a quick, reassuring squeeze to Tosh’s shoulder and stood straight. “Okay. I understand.”

Tosh’s eyes shone with a multitude of emotions. Regret, trepidation and, somewhere very deep down, a great deal of pride. “Of course you do. You’re Lois Habiba.”

* * *

Lois managed to get into Thames House, because of  _ course  _ she was able to. With reports of another incident starting, everybody except Tosh rushed outside to observe the children. Instead, Tosh was focusing on Lois. 

( _ ‘Ooo, Mr Frobisher…’  _ Tosh had typed out to Lois as she’d convinced Bridget, her higher up, that their boss had wanted her to accompany him for ‘personal reasons’. Lois had responded by giving Tosh a clear view of her stuck-up middle finger as she scratched at her desk idly.)

And then Ianto, Gwen and Rhys were running back inside, Jack having run off to God-knows-where, and they were yelling about a column of fire descending from the sky into Thames House. And  _ oh God  _ that was where Tosh had sent Lois. They’d needed to see what was going on within the place, but now Lois was in even more danger than just getting caught for treason and  _ Tosh had sent her into it. _

_ ‘Are you okay?’  _ She typed out, hands shaky. The screen moved up and down a couple of times, Lois nodding in response. Lois hadn’t moved since she entered Thames House, being told to wait downstairs as Frobisher had run to the lift. 

Things calmed down a bit then. There was a lot of waiting around, of idly trying to figure out what had happened. Lois was able to tell Tosh that she had heard mentions of ‘touchdown’, or ‘aliens in the attic’, and God if that hadn’t terrified Tosh enough already, by the time the evening came she was petrified.

Because Lois told her that she was accompanying Frobisher and Bridget up to floor thirteen itself.

“Floor thirteen?” Gwen asked, huddled around the computer with Ianto and Rhys. “What’s going on in floor thirteen?”

“If you watch, we’ll find out,” Tosh snapped, slightly irritated with nerves.

“Tell her to stay safe,” Ianto said, and Tosh had to suppress a sigh.

“Of course I’ve already done that,” she muttered, even as she typed out the message.

_ ‘My coworkers say to stay safe.” _

In the corner of one of the mirrors in the lift, Tosh saw Lois’ reflection. Her smile quipped upwards once before her expression returned to the neutral one.

“We can’t see what they’re saying,” Rhys pointed out. “The software’s not gonna pick out their talking.”

“I can’t do anything about it,” Tosh said. “If anything important happens, Lois will tell me later.”

“Hang on,” Rhys said, suddenly turning to Gwen. “Lois? Is this the Lois you were talking about? The one-”

“Yes, Rhys, that Lois,” Gwen said, quickly trying to shut her husband up. He seemed to get the message, and Tosh was glad she couldn’t actually see his expression, too focused on the screen in front of her.

And then they were out of the lift, walking forwards with a larger group of people. They were entering a luminous blue room, the light coming from some sort of glass structure at the far end of the large hall.

“What the hell is that?” Rhys asked.

“Oh God, there’s something in there,” Tosh said, putting a hand to her mouth.

_ ‘Get closer’  _ Tosh typed after Lois had got herself settled, though it went against all of Tosh’s wishes. A shake of the screen from Lois let Tosh breath, though their view stayed slightly impaired.

But a few minutes later, Lois was moving anyway, because there was no way that the lip-reading software would be able to pick out what was happening with only Frobisher’s back in view.

_ ‘Thank you’  _ Tosh typed out, and they settled in to watch the show.

“Ten percent?” Gwen cried, barely able to process what had just been announced.

That was when Jack decided to reenter, and suddenly the ten percent was falling from everybody’s minds as Jack finally told them what had happened back in 1965.

“All this time, the one consolation I had was, the deal seemed to work,” Jack said, as if he were unaware how tense and hostile the air around them had just gone. Tosh looked at Ianto and saw just how pained he looked; she looked at Gwen and saw the anger bubbling beneath her surface.

But then Tosh was turning again to the screen, because Lois was walking back into the room.

“Are you recording all of this?” Gwen asked, and Tosh nodded. 

They all watched on in horror as the 456 first checked that they weren’t being recorded by the government, then invited a cameraman into their chamber. And what was revealed inside was enough to give any sane person nightmares for years.

* * *

There was no time for sleep, no time for anything except the strongest black coffee that could be found.

_ ‘What’s your plan?’  _ Tosh saw Lois write on a small notebook, now in the early hours of the morning as she finally got a few minutes to rest.

_ ‘We need a way in. I have an idea of something that could work, but I’d need access to all the tech you’ve got.’ _

_ ‘There’s no way in, I’ve told you that.’  _ Lois wrote out.

_ ‘Keep going. We’ve been recording everything. Soon, we’ll have enough.’ _

_ ‘Enough for what?’ _

Tosh paused.  _ ‘Enough that we’ll be able to force our way in, and they won’t be able to tell us no.’ _

Neither of them spoke for a minute. Tosh heard someone leave the building they were in, and she turned to see Ianto standing by himself. She wanted to go over to him, hug him or force him to get a few hours sleep on the sofa. But time was a luxury that they no longer had.

_ ‘I’m scared.’  _ Lois typed out.  _ ‘I have a nephew. He’s only four, but he must be terrified.’ _

_ ‘It’ll be okay, I promise. We’ll keep him safe. It’s our job to deal with this kind of thing, so have a little faith in us.’ _

_ ‘All I have is faith in you, Tosh.’  _ Lois wrote, and then Frobisher was back, putting a stop to any more conversation.

* * *

Water splashed against Lois’ face as she tried to calm herself down. The things she’d heard in the meeting - the horrific way the government officials had talked about the lives of  _ children.  _ They were almost worse than the monster up on floor thirteen.

_ ‘Lois. I need to go. From now on, it’ll be Gwen you talk to, okay?’  _

“Where are you going?” Lois asked out loud.

_ ‘I’m coming to Thames House. Jack and Ianto too.’ _

“What do you need me to do?” Lois asked, steeling her nerves.

_ ‘We need your help. We have the evidence we need to get into the building, and we need you to tell them that.’ _

Lois put a hand on her stomach, as if she could physically stop the butterflies swarming inside her.

“I’ll do it,” she said, nodding.

_ ‘That’s my girl.’  _ Tosh’s message said, and Lois felt her lip tremble.

_ ‘I have to go now. Stay safe for me, Lois. I love you.’ _

“I love you too,” Lois choked out, reaching her hands up to try to wipe away her tears, which would no doubt be blurring the screen Tosh could see. There was no time for emotions now. There’d be time after, once the world had been saved and they were both reunited again.

And it was with that thought in her mind that Lois stood up ten minutes later, voice shaking nearly as much as her legs were.

“Excuse me,” she began, ignoring Bridget’s protests. “I have something to say.”

* * *

“Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato. We're Torchwood.”

They slammed their weapons down on the table, staring at the guards surrounding the entrance to Thames House.

“You take Tosh to wherever your servers are, and if I hear that even a single hair on her head has been hurt, it won’t be the aliens in the sky that you have to watch out for.”

Jack’s voice, booming with authority, was enough to shock the guards into action. Either that, or Lois had already done her job.

God, Tosh didn’t have time to think about Lois - but she couldn’t help it. Lois, who was thankfully not in the building, instead watching from a boardroom with the other politicians, safe from the danger of their mission. Lois, who had committed treason simply because she  _ knew  _ it was the right thing to do. Lois, who deserved more than Tosh could ever offer, even though Tosh had already decided that she wasn’t going to let her go a second time.

Tosh was taken down to a large room, computers and technology strewn all around.

“Where’s the central computer?” she asked a man in a lab coat, who looked first at Tosh then the guard behind her. He pointed weakly at a desk and Tosh got to work.

She opened her bag, bringing out the hard-drive she’d been writing to. Finding the correct place to link it, she started the data transfer, loading up the program she’d been trying to work on over the past few days.

“How do I get access to the satellites?”

The worker came over, pointing out various bits of information to her as she asked. “What are you doing?” he asked, voice shaking.

“Taking the 456’s message and sending it right back at them,” she muttered, fingers flying over the keyboard. “A signal sent back to them, echoed and boosted across the satellites in the Earth’s orbit. Every child on the planet saying the same thing, constructively interfering across the channel the 456 created.”

“Using their own weapon against them,” the man said, wonder shining in his eyes. “Say, you’re  _ brilliant.” _

“Thanks, but I’m already taken,” Tosh replied, compiling the code and starting the decomposition into binary threads.

The clock was ticking. Somewhere above her, Jack and Ianto were facing off against the 456 themselves. Rhys was hiding, the blackmail material carefully tucked away. Gwen was still watching everything from their base. And Lois, wherever Lois now was. Safe, hopefully.

The code was finished. Tosh took one second to breathe.

She pressed enter.

* * *

Lois watched the live stream from the COBRA meeting room, recognising the flash coat that belonged to Captain Jack Harkness, and the well suited man who accompanied him. (She vaguely remembered that her last time seeing them together had been on a drunken night out, awkwardly finding them against the same wall of a pub that she and Tosh had been at, but she shook that thought away.)

_ “You yielded in the past. You will do so again.” _

_ “I did. I was wrong in the past. But now, I know better,”  _ Jack said, standing tall and proud.

_ “What can two weak humans do against  _ us _?”  _ The grating voice of the 456 asked, and Lois saw Jack grin.

_ “The two of us? Nothing. But,”  _ he continued, pride shining from him.  _ “There’s someone, thirteen floors below me, who can. Someone who’s not only going to defend the Earth, but destroy you for ever threatening the children on this planet. Her name’s Toshiko Sato, and  _ she’s  _ the one you should’ve been watching out for.” _

It was almost as if saying her name had been a trigger. Lois watched as the blue light coming from the 456’s territory disappeared, entirely taken over by orange fire. The people around her gasped, getting to their feet to stare out of the window.

In the distance, the same orange light that had entered Thames House was now shooting out of it.

“The children!” someone yelled, in amongst the chaos that had just erupted. “There are reports of them all pointing to Thames House again!”

Lois followed the crowd as they spilled from the room, running out onto the streets of London. It was impossible to miss the chant that rang out through the city.

_ “We are the children of Earth. We are the children of Earth. We are the children of Earth.” _

Lois was running towards Thames House before she knew it. Her work shoes (shiny and painful and bought for the new job) rubbed on her feet, but she had to get to the building. Tosh was there. Her coworkers too, though the video feed had gone down a few moments after the orange fire had erupted on floor thirteen and had stopped her being able to see whether or not the two men were okay.

And then, a few minutes into her mad dash, the sky simply  _ exploded. _

Everybody in the street paused. The children stopped moving as great columns of red and pink fire spilled across the clouds, basking the city in shade. Lois put a hand to her mouth, hardly daring to breathe as the flames moved. There was a booming noise, louder than anything she’d ever heard before, shaking her whole body. By the time it had finished, the sky was blue again, entirely cloudless.

Lois lowered her gaze and stared back to Thames House.

And - standing outside the door, her eyes staring straight towards Lois - was Tosh.

* * *

The sky was aflame, but nothing could tear Tosh’s gaze away from the woman standing in the distance. It felt like the first time she’d seen Lois, glowing golden like a Goddess in the light, this time from the red flames in the sky. Tosh couldn’t look away, transfixed on Lois. The danger was gone, and there was only one thing on her mind now.

There were no cars moving in the street, all too fixated on what had happened to the sky above them. So when Lois lowered her eyes and caught sight of her, Tosh just  _ ran. _

She hit Lois with the force of the painfully long two weeks apart. She’d seen her just the morning before, but  _ this  _ felt like the reunion they had deserved. No alien invasion, manipulative bosses or interdepartmental politics could get in their way as Tosh wrapped her arms around Lois. The release of pent up emotions, all the pain and stress and tension, came surging out of Tosh until she was  _ sobbing.  _

Tosh couldn’t tell how long she stood there, immersing herself in Lois’ everything. She knew when the hug ended, because it was replaced by a pair of lips on her own, no longer just the phantom feeling of a faraway dream.

“You did it,” Lois murmured, her grin widening against Tosh’s mouth. 

“No,” Tosh said sharply, pulling back far enough to place their foreheads against each other. “ _ You  _ did it, Lois.”

“Me?” she laughed, fingers and hands running all over Tosh’s back as she refamiliarised herself with the feeling. “I’m just the secretary.”

“Exactly.” Tosh pulled them back together for another desperate kiss. “It’s my job to save the world, but you? You’re the ordinary person who today did something entirely extraordinary.”

Lois didn’t know what to say to that, so she returned to the job of kissing Tosh until she forgot everything about the world around them.

“Not to break up this loving reunion…” an American voice drawled, and Tosh pulled away from Lois at long last.

“Jack!” Tosh cried, throwing herself towards him. He caught her in a flurry of laughter, one arm still clutched around Ianto’s waist on his left side.

“We did it,” Jack said, pressing a kiss to Tosh’s head. His eyes moved up to look at Lois. “All of us.”

Tosh pulled back, reaching for Lois to drag her closer to them. Tosh attached herself back to Lois’ side, in her rightful place.

“Thank you, Miss Habiba,” Ianto said, not even trying to hide his own euphoria. “We couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Please, it’s Lois,” she laughed. “After our first meeting, I don’t think formal names are necessary.”

Tosh laughed at the colour Ianto turned, pressing her nose back against Lois’ neck as she revelled in the fact that they were both  _ here. _

“I’m sorry,” Lois mumbled a few minutes later as a car pulled up and Gwen jumped out, closely followed by Rhys. She jumped at Jack and Ianto, briefly glancing over to give Tosh and Lois a quick smile.

“What for?” Tosh asked, limbs still tangled over Lois. She couldn’t get enough of the physical contact.

“For running away.”

Tosh turned to Lois and shook her head. “I’m sorry I made you.”

“You didn’t. I was just - I don’t know what I was thinking,” Lois continued. “Even living apart, I never once stopped thinking about you.”

“It’s okay. We’re here now, and I’m not letting anything get in the way of us again,” Tosh said, kissing the corner of Lois’ mouth gently. 

“It’s not like I’m tied down to London anymore, is it? Who’s gonna hire someone who committed treason?”

Tosh couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her. “Well. You won’t ever guess how I got a job at Torchwood.”

With a slight frown, Lois evidently decided that  _ that  _ was a story for another day because she was once again leaning into Tosh. With a hand around the nape of her neck, Lois brought them into a long, intense kiss that explained all the thoughts that she was thinking in a better way than words ever could.

And as Tosh vaguely registered the cat-calls from around her, she realised that, at last, she had everything she could ever ask for. The world was safe once more, the alien invasion completely thwarted. 

But most importantly, Lois was here, more radiant than ever before, because she was alive _.  _ Alive, and  _ oh-so  _ beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we are!!
> 
> I'm so proud of this fic, I really think it was one of my favourite things to write in a long time. Tosh and Lois have wormed their way into my brain and now live there rent free, so don't be shocked if you see me writing more about the two of them in the future!!
> 
> I really hoped you enjoyed it at least a little bit as much as I did writing! Thank you to everybody who helped me get this out, and thank you to everybody who has supported it in the comments! Please feel free to let me know what you think of this ending! Every single comment makes me feel so happy!
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @thirteeninafez :)))


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